It is NOT possible that in 21 hours Sheina will be gone for a WEEK. Just not possible. How does time just keep going on when my heart is lying by the roadside shattered? Not fair, not fair  I've been here before and felt it before and I felt the same way then... everybody STOP and LISTEN to me, Sheina is GONE!!! How can you just sit there eating your lunch! Or whatever.

Everybody kept telling me to take care of myself, I was going to get sick... sure enough did, starting with the MG thing and the ER the day Sheina died... now here it is a week later and I"m having IV infusions for 3 days trying to get some strength back in my throat muscles. My BP is ridiculously low averaging 100 over 40 which is scary as hell. Every time I cry or even start to tear up my throat tries to close and cramps up. Today while having IVIG I "enjoyed" my first nasal regurg of coffee - oh, that was lovely. My nurse said "uh-oh."  Yup. Uh-oh is right.

If I am not better Friday morning they are admitting me for more treatment. Wonder what that means, pheresis?? Who knows... but it's about time somebody got to the bottom of this. New neuro, we'll see.

Sarah is following my every step. She is such a doll baby I do not see how I could ever give her up now.

I will say that after losing Sheina and 100 mg of pred for 4 days, I have the cleanest gardens on the block and the cleanest house in a  long time.  I know one thing I am SCARED - last time I had more than one day of IVIG I threw a blood clot! 

Helluva way to do it.

John called yesterday, he thinks they are onto the MG thing and needed records faxed in. Hopefully they will let him waiver and stay. MAN I hope so!! He wants it so bad. I missed his 20th birthday

Well, off to bed - where four schnauzers are waiting to go snore in my ear, LOL. I know I got thru this before with other dogs but it is a lot easier to do wen you have other dogs to care for still. You can't detach.

I got tireder and sadder all day today. I am just so tired of struggling to breathe, having to pant through my mouth all the time. I know my mommy wants me to stay here but I hope she will understand that I need to go home! I spent all day telling my doggie buddies Scrappy jack and Sparky goodbye. Then I talked to the rescue girls - Casey Anne doesn't really understand, she is kind of out-of-it herself right now. Sarah and Bonnie understood and promised to take care of my Mommy for me.  The one I am going to miss the most I know is Daddy. I have always been Daddy's Girl, even tho I love everyone else almost as much!

Tonight I ate a little supper - I didn't feel like having anyting special really. Just a little hungry. Mama carried me outside to potty. I got to watch the geese (hundreds of them!) then I was so tired she put me to bed in her bed with my favorite rose print flannel  pillow and blankie. I was soooo woofed. I went right to sleep and slept for two hours.

When I woke up, I was standing at this pretty place called Rainbow Bridge and there was my friend Maty Dog, my friend Mitzy dog, my people gramma, and a bunch of other dogs I don't even know! And guess what - I can BREATHE again!! The nasty tumor was in my nose, throat, under my eye - I have had a snuffy nose for about 3 months now. I can sniff the grass again now! Somebody found me a hedgehog and threw it for me, I ran and ran until I was tired again - but happy tired! Like the good old days.   They are all being really nice to me. I hope my mommy and family aren't too sad. I really love them but it was time for me to go - they just don't understand why yet. 

Just after I woke up at Rainbow Bridge I saw my mommy come in to get me - then she started crying. I was already gone so I couldn't come back and say goodbye. But Mommy picked me up and held me on the couch for a long, long time with my people sister Cari and my people sister in law Liz. Later mommy woke up daddy and he came to sit with me too.  Mommy said she was going to brush my hair all pretty too. I always argued with her about brushey hair but I think this time I will let her so I will look all pretty.

Last night I saw mom and dad take me to this nice place to get a pretty velvet pouch for the "other me" to stay in. Mommy says she is painting my portrait on a special glass box to keep my pouch in too.

Hey I love all you guys for stopping by my webpage and saying hello and praying fo rme!!! Please tell everybody about squamous cell carcinoma so they can learn from what happened to me.  Love you all always, Woo-Roo!!

Sheina Marie

Well, good and bad. Most days are, now. She has had a hard time breathing this evening. Now, a couple hours after her meds, she seems to be doing a bit better. Bless her heart. I got her some Vienna sausages at the store today, she got a BIG kick out of eating those with her brothers and sisters!!  She also enjoyed some shredded lettuce and cooked hamburger. It does my heart so much good to see her eat!

She will be ready to start round 2 of chemo in 2 weeks I believe, from today.

If it continues at this pace, I see it as a good thing. She has enjoyed some really good fun days since having the first chemo. It definitely slowed down the downhill progression.

I am crocheting her a very soft blankie. Sheina has always loved blankies. Sometimes she sits and shivers and I am always covering her up with one of them. This one is white and pink, just Sheina-sized.

Last night I put her bead necklace that I made her on to wear, permanently. Why not.  It  says her name on it and "Daddy's Girl."  I love that! She loves wearing things like that - anything we can dress her up in.

You know what I miss most of all? This cancer has largely taken her voice away. She knows that she chokes if she "talks" so she doesn't. I miss all those woo-woo's.... 
More soon! Love to all friends, -Sheila & Sheina

Not sure if it is the piroxicam being really kicked in, or the prednisone being almost out of her system, but Sheina definitely took a downturn yesterday. She started laying around again and not going outside, not interested in food. ANY food. I offered her a piece of cooked hamburger last night and she refused

This morning she continues in the same manner. She hasn't gotten up on her own out of the chair since yesterday. I am feeding her teaspoons of water again. Fortunately she took her meds for me last night in cheese, hope she will again this morning.

Her breathing is very quiet. Not a good thing because when she does try to do anything with her mouth you can hear her lungs are all filled up with stuff.

We'll see how the next few hours go.

You know, the other day she brought her toy to Cari to play with her. First time in MANY weeks. Even if this goes badly, she did get to be her "old self" for several days and have some fun!

Sheina had the best day yesterday she has had in WEEKS. Many weeks. She paddled around after me everywhere and was real quiet (normally now you can hear her breathing all the time). She is on a new drug now (instead of prednisone) called piroxicam (Feldene). I am not sure why... certainly not for arthritis but maybe one of the side effects or interactions with the chemo is desired... dunno. Whatever, her 3rd day on it, she is perkier! Maybe I need some LOL.

Another weekend here already! Sheina is hanging in there, bless her baby heart. She has lost sooo much weight.  We started the last new drug, the Peroxicam, today. Hope it helps too!! She has to discontinue the steroids while she is taking it. During the three days before/after chemo, she will take prednisone instead.

 I just was trimming the hair away from the eye corner on the side she has the tumors in her nose on - she has a lot of eye drainage on that side and it was a mess. I soaked it with a warm washrag first so it wouldn'thurt her. I noticed there is a tumor BEHIND her eye obviously pushing her eye forward... and making her face asymmetrical - damn it.  She is tolerating the first round of chemo amazingly well, maybe it will shrink all of them some and give her some relief. Her nose is physically obstructed on one side by the tumor - also her tonsil, her lymph gland, and above the right eye. All the irritation from the tumor causes all this drainage and of course it can't get OUT - so she chokes on it or snuffs through it trying to breathe thru her nose. She has to be on constant Robitussin and Benadryl just to keep her breathing.

Despite all this she is still very interested and happy most of the time. She is definitely enjoying all the special treats mom's giivng her - stuff like scrambled eggs etc., high protein stuff. Oh, this is hard. I have been through the hit-by-car variety many times but never this. My main goal is to keep her as happy/comfortable as I can for as long as I can but when it gets to a bad outweighing the good level, I WILL  let her go. And that will kill me.

Just found out yesterday my stepson is having another child, so grandma again sometime in April. Cool!! Life just keeps going in doesn't it! Thank God for that.

I am enjoying a (rare) nice quiet Friday night alone with the furkids. Everyone is off doing this & that. In a couple of weeks it will be TOO quiet here (kid-wise at least) and I'll be complaining!! John leaves for the Army and Cari starts college.

I dare not even really hope it, but I'm pretty sure it's not my imagination - I think the tumor over her eyebrow is just a tiny bit smaller and softer! And her breathing is definitely quieter again today. Tomorrow we change to the drug that we take instead of prednisone (can't take it 3 days before or after chemo). Hopefully that will make her even more comfortable!!! Yay!!! She keeps up like this, she is going to get a MUCH needed haircut and bathie!!! She looks pretty scruffy! And I want her to be pretty and clean and comfortable. I would never put her through a day at a groomer's at this point, but if I'm doing it we can do it in small phases if need be.

I think the chemo Sheina got on Tuesday afternoon is starting to "kick her butt." Just like my IVIG infusions usually kick MY butt. I totally know the feeling. Chlls, aches, nausea, just being miserable. She is wanting to lay in bed this morning. Yesterday was a very good day for her - lots of appetite (thanks to the steroids I'm sure) and lots of yummy high protein real food snacks. She is on pain meds now along with anti-nausea meds.

Sheina has always been the best-trained house girl. She NEVER had accidents. Now, she just doesn't seem to have the motivation to go outside. I am thankful for having a steam cleaner here - but it is a real struggle because my two rescue girls, Sarah and Bonnie, both 8 years old, just came from an environment where their mom had alzheimer's and never let them outside, so they pottied everywhere... I have been trying to retrain them and then this started, so they imitate. And of course Casey Anne is 13 and has her share of accidents... oh well, I figure this carpet was shot long ago (sigh). I would do anything for my baby girl and she will never get in trouble for pottying in the house. I went and got what we call here "Pretty Panties" - they are human baby disposable training pants in a size 2T - they have pretty little Care Bears on them! I make a big deal out of everybody getting their Pretty Panties on for the night. Half the time somebody manages to take their pretty panties OFF and... well, you know the rest.

If she does not want to go outside today it's fine - supposed to be close to 100º again and she gets choked when she gets hot. Tomorrow it's supposed to cool off. If she is feeling better, I am planning on taking her for an outing to see the Duckies!!

Today was a BAD day. Mommy said I was near death. I took a bad turn for the worse. I just laid there all limp and breathing bad and not eating or drinking all day... mommy got real scared and called the vet, Dr. Ray. He had mommy come and get a shot of high dose steroids to give me. Mommy had her son John drive her 'cause she was crying too hard. She talked to Dr Ray for a little bit and came racing home and gave me an IM injection which Dr Ray had told her how to do. She gave it in my back leg and it didn't even hurt. I was too sick to care.

A couple of hours later mommy said I was looking better - I was raising my head up and looking around and drinking water out of a spoon for her.

Four hours later I was up walking around, went outside to potty and ATE - a lot!!!

Our chemo is not here yet, it should be here tomorrow or the next day. Mommy says I have to hang in there until then!

Thanks everybody for your really neato letters, it makes us really happy to get them and know everybody cares so much about me! Love to everyone, Woo-Roo, -Sheina Marie

Today was Saturday. I had a pretty nice day! I got to see my people sister Cari's company - she had surgery Thursday night and she has had all her friends coming over to keep her company while she gets better. She has this neato big Love Sack in her room - it's like a giant bean bag - and she let me sleep on it on a nice cold blankie tonight. Boy was that snuggly!!

We have to catch up a little bit tonight because mom hasn't had time to write because of Cari being in the hospital, and John joining the Army. It has been really busy and hectic around here! 

Mom is paying so much attention to everything I do! She is always asking me if I am ok. Of course I'm ok... I'm just tired, and it's hard to breathe sometimes. Most of the time now I lay on my bed, or on the couch, or on mom's footstool. The other day Mom put me on the porch when we had the cold front come through and it was 70º outside, she thought I would like that. But I just wanted to come inside I didn't feel like squirrel patrol that day. Sorry Mom!

I made her laugh when I came inside tho. She gave everybody "cookies" (little treats) when we came inside. Well, mom forgot to put the lid back on the cookie jar and I kind of did my funny trick of helping myself from it that she taught me a few months ago... over and over again! She caught me raiding it a few minutes later and I was "busted." Shoot, no more cookies!! I tried to teach Sarah and Bonnie the rescue girls how to steal from there, but they weren't quick enough.

Mom has been giving me lots of extra protein snacks, little bites of meat and cheese here and there. Hey, I got to eat my favorite food - raw green beans - the other day!!! Mom's green beans are finally ready. I love it when she snaps them and gives us bites! Heck we all love that. I also got my very own tomato, and some CORN! I love fresh veggies. Mom grows them with no chemicals so it's ok.

I am still drinking my Pretty Medicine (benadryl and guaifenesin) for Mom like a Good Girl. I have to because it helps me breathe, mom says. I get to take my prednisone pills in cheese, which is pretty cool.

OK enough for tonight - I'm woofed! More tomorrow... Love, Sheina Marie